M: Okay, today's topic: Should child rapists get the death penalty?
A: Uh...that's a little heavy.
M: Today's NEW topic -- What's the stupidest thing we spend money on?
A: Wow, where to start. Being stupid and spending money are two of my favorite pastimes, especially when coupled together.
M: (Snorts.)
A: What?
M: Nothing. Just amazed at your honesty. And I can't wait to see where this is going to go...
A: Bottled water.
M: Excuse me?
A: Bottled water. Certainly bottled water. We pay for the privilege of drinking water which is basically Huntsville city tap water. Why? Because it's easy. It's more simple than filling up a glass with our own water and reusing that glass. Whoever came up with bottled water is a damned genius. When I was 6, I tried to explain the merits of selling water in aluminum cans from vending machines and my teacher said I was stupid, that nobody would pay the same amount for water that they would for a soda when they could get it for free. Twenty years later, the answer is clear -- everyone is! Who's laughing now, bitch (Well, not me. I didn't get to do my science project)? Do we get assworms from our tap water? No! But we're still buying something that produces waste and fills up landfills. I think it's the most ignorant thing we do, and I'm not even a tree-hugger.
M: Lettuce. We never eat salads anyway. It just rots.
A: We? That's you and poppa-in-law. I just throw it away.
M: Dad eats his.
A: And if your dad jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge...
M: The lettuce would still go bad. What's your point?
A: A tree grows in Brooklyn. So does lettuce.
M: No, trees and lettuce both grow in Mexico.
A: So does Salmonella.
M: I didn't know we were discussing the merits of tomatoes. You eat them, at least.
A: Touche. But at least my vegetables don't rot.
M: No, they don't, but you have a nasty habit of forgetting to eat the peaches you buy.
So there you have it: Bottled water and lettus are the root of all evil.
What is Failing Upward? A pathetic attempt at entertaining our friends and family (and whoever else is bored or sick enough to google the phrase 'naked baby shower wrestling'). It's also the chronicle of two young professionals from very different upbringings (him: Saudi Arabia, her: the Deep South), their three dogs (a motley bunch of charity cases) and their disgruntled cat. Who are we? For the sake of keeping our jobs and a bit of privacy, we'd like to collectively as A&M (her: A, him M). A is 28 years old and works in higher education as an editor/writer/graphic designer. M, 33, is a technical writer by day and a superhero by night. (Rather, M does all the housework/cleaning/bill paying and this qualifies as superhero status in A's book.) Since A didn't marry a rich man (per her mother's advice), she thinks his affinity for scrubbing toilets and doing the laundry is a pretty fair trade off. In return for his services, A cooks (sometimes) and puts out (occasionally). Both of them have a love for reading history books (him: American, her: British) and they share a fond affection for overusing parentheses to set-off tidbits of information. A&M live in Houston, Texas where they are trying really hard to pay their bills on time, not drink too much and will the Astros to a winning season (so far, they are failing.) Why are we doing this? Potential advertising revenue. Failing that, to entertain ourselves and others as we chronicle our efforts to get out of debt, lose weight and start a family (among other stuff). You can also visit A&M on their individual sites: |
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